Masquerade
by kalliopeia
Summary: Because sometimes all it takes is a clever idea, some hair dye and a mask to change someone's world. Contains slash.
1. Chapter 1: Intervention

**Okay, I debated for quite awhile before finally deciding to upload this. Firstly, I am not happy with this story. Personally, I'm not much of a fan. I started writing it about a year ago and I don't find it that good, but it's finished, so I finally decided to upload it. Feel free to hate it, I won't be offended. In addition, I realize that the timing of it makes no sense whatsoever. Emily is in it, because I didn't feel like switching it to Blake and I can't see her doing something so patently ridiculous anyway. So, the whole thing is timed exactly nowhere. Whatever. Enjoy nonetheless. As per usual, I own nothing. **

Chapter 1: Intervention

It was far too early to get up, and Spencer Reid had not yet had his very necessary first cup of sugar-coffee. This did not dissuade whoever was pounding on the door of his apartment with reckless abandon.

Spencer grumpily climbed out of bed, blinking and grabbing his glasses. He wandered over and finally opened the door.

"What?" he grunted.

"Were you still in bed? It's 9:30," Emily said, checking her watch.

"Yeah, well, I was up late finishing an anthropology paper. What do you want?"

"This is an intervention," Penelope announced.

"We are tired of watching you endlessly moon over Morgan all the time," JJ followed up.

"So we're putting a stop to it. Come with us," Emily finished, folding her arms.

Spencer stared at them for a long moment. "What?"

JJ handed him a big cup of coffee. "Drink."

Spencer took a big swig, the paused, tilting his head to the side. "I do not moon over Morgan."

"Yeah, honey, you do. I may not be a profiler but don't think I don't see it," Penelope said, shaking a finger at him. "We're gonna help you get him. Come on."

"Uh, no, that is a bad idea," Spencer said firmly, taking another big drink of coffee.

"No, it's not," JJ assured him. "It'll be fine."

"A, I do not moon over Morgan. B, even if I did, Morgan is the straightest man I know, and therefore, nothing you have in mind could possibly work. C, attempting it is likely to completely screw up our professional relationship. D, the FBI has anti-fraternization rules-"

"A, yes you do," Emily responded.

"B, do not question the things I may or may not know about my Chocolate God," Penelope said, with a quirk of one eyebrow.

"C, even if Garcia's wrong, it won't screw up your relationship because he won't know it's you," JJ said with a slightly evil grin.

"And D, please, honey, no one listens to those stupid rules," Penelope finished.

Spencer paused for a long moment. "What was that about him not knowing it was me?"

"The annual unofficial FBI masquerade ball is tonight," JJ told him. "Every year I've been at the agency, Morgan has been at the ball, and has not really bothered hide his identity. We are going to take you to JJ's and thoroughly disguise you. You are going to find Morgan and seduce him. Penelope here is convinced that it'll work, but won't tell us why. Even if it doesn't, no worries. We're good at what we do. Unless you ramble statistics at an inopportune moment, he'll never know it's you."

"He's a profiler. He'll pick it up," Spencer argued.

"If that's true, Rossi has a secret thing for Garcia, considering how seriously he hit on her last year," Emily said, smirking.

"He backed off and apologized when I told him who I was," Penelope replied. "So probably not. Trust me, Boy Genius, we can make you look very different."

"I still don't feel like this is a good idea," Spencer said firmly.

"Why? What exactly are your objections?" Emily asked.

Spencer stared for a long moment. "Uhh…"

"Exactly. Come with us."

/

"Okay, first thing's first," Penelope said, holding up a plastic bag. "Hair dye. Emily's using a wig, so she gets to do the rest of us."

Emily grinned. "Okay, Reid, I'll take care of JJ first so you see how it's done."

The four of them were dispersed around JJ's huge master bedroom and bath. JJ hopped off the bed and sat in the chair by Emily. Emily put a plastic sheet over JJ and put on gloves.

"JJ here has decided to become a temporary redhead. This dye will turn her hair red and will wash out the next time she showers," Emily explained, squirting the auburn foam into her hand and massaging JJ's scalp. "For you, Reid, we selected a brown several shades darker than your natural hair color. Sort of a chocolate color."

Spencer shrugged. "Okay." There was a long pause. "How long have you known? About…"

"About your wanting to jump Morgan?" Penelope asked cheerily. Spencer blushed. "A week, after JJ accidentally let it slip. Trust me, if I'd known any earlier, it wouldn't have taken me this long to develop a nefarious plot to hook you up."

"Sorry," JJ said. "Sort of. I think she's right. And I've known since you told me that you're gay."

"Wait, he actually admitted it to you?" Emily asked. "Huh. I've always thought you'd never say it out loud."

"She asked," Spencer muttered. "After Gideon made me ask her out."

"He did what?" Emily asked, laughing. "And I always thought he was a good profiler."

"Maybe he was, and that was his way of nudging Reid into admitting it," Penelope suggested.

"It's possible," Reid admitted. "I didn't admit it, though. I just took JJ to the game, then broke down and confessed that I wasn't interested in her."

"Yeah, and I made a crack that he should've just told Gideon so Gideon could make him ask Morgan out instead." JJ leaned back, feeling Emily pour the sealing agent into her hair as Reid finished telling the story. "I was thinking about it later, and realized you never addressed the comment about Morgan. After that, I paid attention. Figured out pretty quickly that you had a thing for him," JJ said, shrugging. "It was cute."

"Okay, JJ, your hair is ready to go. Penelope, you're up," Emily ordered. "And since we're sharing, I figured it out shortly after I came. I was practicing my profiling. Noticed that Morgan's the only person you tolerate messing with your hair, grabbing your shoulders, so on and so forth." She shrugged. "Noticed JJ watching too. After that, she and I would sort of exchange glances when we observed something. Never really talked about it, though."

"That's nice. Glad I entertained you," Spencer grumbled.

"Oh, you did! I started wondering if it went both ways right around the time you got anthrax and Morgan nearly broke Hotch's jaw for suggesting he go home," Emily said, nodding.

"Really?" Spencer asked, looking slightly pleased.

"Oh, yeah," Penelope said, nodding. "We'd heard you would be fine, and Strauss was on his back, trying to get him to go back to Quantico to do paperwork. She threatened to fire Morgan if he didn't come back. He told her to fuck off. Pay cut for a month. I was the one he complained to about it later."

"Morgan told Strauss to…" Spencer repeated, smiling.

"Fuck off. Yes, I believe that was his exact wording," Penelope said, nodding. "And despite everything, he wouldn't do anything different if it happened again. He couldn't have handled being anywhere except by your side."

Emily nodded. "So, I knew and JJ knew. Penelope had relevant information that she apparently can't share with anyone, but that mysteriously caused her to freak right the hell out when she heard JJ mention your thing for Morgan."

Spencer gave Penelope a strange look. "So, what's the mysterious information?"

"Kinda sworn to secrecy," Penelope said shrugging. "But as I mentioned previously, Derek Morgan tells me everything. So, you know…"

"Anyway, as soon as Garcia heard that you're into Morgan, she came up with this scheme," Emily said, putting the sealant into Penelope's hair. "I take it that whatever she knows is relevant and interesting."

"Oh, so interesting," Penelope said, licking her lips and grinning.

"Pen, you're done now. Reid, hop up," Emily ordered. He obeyed, still not entirely certain why. Emily switched her gloves and pulled out a third bottle.

"I've never actually gone to one of the masquerade balls," Spencer said. "How do those work?"

"Well, they're not official FBI functions. But everyone who works for the FBI at Quantico is automatically on the guest list, and FBI employees at other locations can sign up beforehand," Penelope explained.

"Wait, I have to give my name at the door?" Spencer asked.

"Nope. They scan your fingerprint. It won't pop up with your name either, just say that you're admitted," Penelope said. "I developed the system. Even if someone hacks it later, all they'll know is that you were somewhere in the party."

"Okay. How does it work?"

"It's held at this really old mansion on the outskirts of DC. It's huge. Most everyone stays in the big ballroom downstairs, and above it are several old-fashioned bedrooms," Emily said.

"Each bedroom has a black ribbon inside. Tradition is, you tie the ribbon around the outside handle if the bedroom is being… used," JJ said, smirking. "Condoms, lube, and other essentials are in the nightstand."

"Glad you're confident enough in this plan to tell me that," Spencer grumbled.

"Hey, our only part of the plan is making you look unrecognizable. And that we can do," Emily said. "Actually getting him in bed is on you. We're going off the assumption that Garcia's secret knowledge regards this being theoretically possible."

Penelope winked. "I can tell you nothing."

"All right, Reid, your hair is done. Find somewhere to sit while we ladies put on makeup," Emily ordered. Spencer obeyed, perching on the edge of the bathtub.

For the next several hours, the four of them talked, laughed and told stories. Spencer tried to relax, but it was incredibly hard knowing what he was about to do. Still, the hours flew by.

/

"Someone who may or may not be a sexy goddess hacked your medical record- these are color contacts with your prescription," Penelope said, handing over a small box.

"Thanks, Garcia," Spencer said, removing his glasses and putting them in. When he looked in the mirror, his eyes were a mossy green. It complemented his new dark brown hair oddly well.

"You look a lot different already. Once we get you in a mask, you'll be unrecognizable," JJ told him, brushing out long red hair. JJ had gone goth- she was wearing a tiny, flared black dress, fishnets, and thick boots. Her makeup was dark and she wore black flowers in her hair.

"You three are already unrecognizable," Spencer commented.

"We do it on purpose," Penelope said gleefully as she pushed a plain brown band into her now light brown hair. Her dress was simple and an understated blue. She looked startlingly normal.

"Ngahh!" Emily cried, falling out of the bathroom. She straightened. "For future reference, it is not easy to force oneself into a red leather jumpsuit. Requires a slightly insane amount of body oil."

"Seems like a lot of trouble, seeing as you'll be hurriedly removing it within an hour of showing up," JJ teased.

"Oh, yeah, and that ensemble is staying on? Come on, this party only exists to let us fuck each other when we wouldn't otherwise," Emily shot back, pulling her hair up to place under a long, white-blonde wig.

"Which is why we knew that Reid had probably never been before," Penelope teased good-naturedly.

"Hey, you're not a virgin, right? Because that could make this difficult," JJ said suddenly.

Spencer blushed, looking away under the pretense of straightening his black-on-black suit. "Uh, no, that shouldn't be a problem."

"Ooh," Penelope said, tilting her head. "I'm undecided as to whether I want to hear that particular story."

"I'm not going to tell it," Spencer told her grumpily as JJ passed out masks. He slipped his black half-mask on and looked in the mirror. "Wow. I look nothing like me."

"Exactly. Try not to ramble statistics. Don't act nervous. Change your voice. Don't act like you, and he'll never know it is."


	2. Chapter 2: Seduction

Chapter 2: Seduction

Derek Morgan never bothered to hide his identity at the masquerade ball. Sure, he wore a mask, but not a shirt, so anyone who knew his tattoos could identify him easily. He didn't mind.

Every year, he occupied about the same spot in the enormous dance floor. He would collect a harem of lovely and surprisingly slutty FBI ladies, dance with them, and deny any and all requests to visit the rooms upstairs. It was fine. It was easy. Just like clubbing, really, except a little more emphasis on protecting his reputation. He'd never been tempted to break his own rules.

He was dancing with two white women, both of whom were wearing shirts barely able to contain their heaving breasts. Classy .

Suddenly, a hand began tracing patterns along his back. Derek felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up on end as he continued dancing. The hand skittered up between his shoulder blades, barely brushing his skin. The sensation was oddly erotic.

A second hand fell to his back, tracing light patterns in the skin. Derek moved back a little, into the hands, expecting some scantily clad woman to come into view any time now. Instead, the hands pressed against his back, moving over his shoulder blades and to the sides of his neck.

_Pretty big hands for a woman…_ Suddenly, Derek turned to face the man behind him.

The man looked startled at his sudden movement, but relaxed quickly. He gave Derek an alluring smile.

Derek, startled, asked, "What do you think you're doing?"

The man slid closer to him- much closer- and put his mouth up to Derek's ear. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. Can you repeat the question?"

Derek shivered slightly at the breath on his ear and neck. "What are you doing?" He hated the breathy tone of his voice.

The man chuckled. It was an oddly familiar sound. "Isn't it obvious?" he whispered against Derek's ear as his hands resumed their exploration of his torso.

Derek forced himself to take a step back. "Whoa, man. I have a reputation to uphold."

The man shrugged. "It's a masquerade ball. Plausible deniability."

"My identity isn't particularly well-hidden," Derek said nervously.

"Maybe. Or maybe someone else came dressed up as you, and you're off somewhere else, presumably sleeping with slutty secretaries," the man said, his lips twitching.

Derek really wished that his attention had not been drawn to those lips. _Damn._ They looked like forbidden fruit, and it was so unfair that the forbidden fruit was always the best kind.

The man's hands were drifting up Derek's arm. One long, pale finger was tracing Derek's tattoo.

He leaned down, his lips near Derek's ear. "Are you going to do something about this or would you prefer to just keep staring at my mouth?"

Derek blinked, surprised that the man had noticed. "Uh…"

The man pulled his head back a little, just enough that their temples brushed. Their bodies brushed against one another as they danced. Derek couldn't prevent his body from moving a little closer to the man, closing the distance.

Distantly, Derek wondered if the ladies he was dancing with earlier were still around, but he didn't want to tear his eyes away from the mysterious man in front of him long enough to check.

The man's hands settled into spots on Derek's torso as he pulled the man closer.

"Are you honestly going to tell me that you don't want this?" the man murmured, his lips brushing the sensitive skin beneath Derek's ear. "Because our hips are very close together. I know exactly what you want." His lips brushed a kiss beneath Derek's ear. "Any ruining of your reputation has already been accomplished. What exactly is holding you up?"

The man made a very good point. Derek allowed his hands to find placement on the man's thin torso.

His lips formed an amused smile. "Better."

It was killing Derek how familiar the man seemed. The mouth, the hands, the cheekbones- tiny aspects that Derek felt like he'd seen a thousand times. But surely if he'd seen this man before, he would have noticed him. This was not a man who could be easily ignored.

Derek's heart was pounding. He wasn't sure what this man was doing to him, but he was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to like it as much as he did.

The man pulled him a bit closer, causing their bodies to press together. He smelled of coffee and old books. Their lips brushed together, with barely any contact at all. Still, it was enough to destroy what was left of Derek's self-control.

Derek grabbed the man's face with one hand and kissed him, hard. The man reacted quickly, doing things with his tongue that made Derek feel he might swoon then and there.

When they finally broke apart, still gripping one another hard, Derek was breathing hard. "Fine, have it your way," he hissed against the man's ear.

The man grinned. "I do like having my way," he said agreeably. The man kissed Derek again, tipping his face upward and caressing his cheek. Derek found himself grinding obscenely into the man's hips. The man's lips were drifting over Derek's neck.

Derek pulled in a sharp intake of breath, letting one hand wrap in the man's dark brown hair.

The man's hands resumed their exploration of Derek's torso, pressing against the waistline of his black dress pants.

"Ahh!" Derek let out a sudden sound. "Upstairs," he said breathily.

"I thought you'd never ask," the man murmured.

/

"Tell me your name," Derek begged suddenly.

"What?" the man said breathlessly.

"Your first name. So I know what to scream," Derek said, stroking the man.

"Can't do that. Go with your favorite expletive… I'll know what you mean," the man said, kissing Derek again.

/

Derek hadn't left the room.

That was odd. Unusual for what was clearly a one night stand. The sex was over, why was he lingering?

The man hadn't left either, though. They weren't speaking, just lying beside each other on the bed, watching each other.

"Do I know you?" Derek finally asked. "Have I seen you around? You look… familiar."

The man smirked. Although Derek's mask had come off in the festivities, his remained in place.

"We're both FBI. I've been around."

"Do you know who I am?" Derek asked.

The man paused for a long moment. "I do."

Derek leaned back, studying the man. "You're beautiful. How did I not notice you?"

The man let out an oddly bitter laugh. "I'm rarely noticed, at least not like that."

"Hard to believe," Derek murmured. One of his hands began reverently tracing the man's body. "You're gorgeous."

The man smiled at him, but there was a sadness in his eyes. "You're not bad looking yourself."

Derek studied him. "You look oddly sad for someone who just had his world rocked."

He snorted. "Well, at least you're humble about your sexual prowess."

Derek grinned. "You know it." The man shook his head, smiling softly. Derek sobered, staring at the man before him. "Okay, I gotta know. Who are you?"

"I'll never tell."

"Come on," Derek wheedled, playing with the man's hair. "You can't be worried about your reputation- you have as much dirt on me as I have on you. What, are you married?"

The man laughed, clearly startled at the question. "No. Why are you so desperate to know, anyway?"

"I really, really, really want to do that again," Derek replied honestly.

"I'm flattered."

"And I know you want to do that again."

"Surely you are the most gifted of profilers."

"But we can't do that again if I don't know who you are," Derek reasoned.

"It's complicated."

"Of course it's complicated. We're coworkers who just had sex- that's not something that can ever be simple. But it was good- amazing. It meant something to you. It had to, or you wouldn't still be here," Derek argued.

The man put his hand on Derek's cheek and kissed him. It wasn't like the lusty, heat-filled kisses of before. This one was sweet, and filled with meaning and passion. Derek shivered.

"Listen to me," the man said softly. "What you want now won't be what you want next week. Let it go."

"I don't want this to be another one night stand, and I know you don't either!" Derek insisted.

The man sighed and kissed him again.

Derek let himself fall into the kiss, wrapping his hand in thick dark hair. "Please. You're beautiful."

The man gave him a sad smile.

Derek sighed. "Well, if I can never have you beside me again, what do you say we make the most of tonight?"

The man's eyes darkened. "I say… let's do it."


	3. Chapter 3: Investigation

Chapter 3: Investigation

It was Monday morning, and Derek Morgan could not stop checking out every man he came across in case it might be the mysterious pale man from two nights ago.

Not Anderson. Not Cole. Not Kevin Lynch (thankfully). Not Hotch. Not Rossi.

Derek reached his desk, wondering why the bullpen was so abandoned. Prentiss and Reid were nowhere to be found.

Thankful for the lack of company, Derek continued running through his mental images of every male coworker he knew, trying to find the one who might be the man he slept with. Not one of the other trainers- maybe a new agent, a student? Derek put his head into his hands and sighed.

/

Spencer, as ordered, was in Garcia's lair first thing Monday morning, where he was confronted by all three of the BAU ladies.

"Speak," Penelope ordered.

Spencer shifted from foot to foot. "Uh, well, I found him, and, ah-" he broke off and grinned.

"Oh my god!" Emily stage-whispered, clearly to keep from shouting. "You slept with Morgan!"

Spencer blushed and nodded. "I did."

"It worked!" JJ said in a hushed whisper.

"I have to ask. How is my chocolate thunder in bed?" Penelope asked.

Spencer's blush deepened. "Y'know how good it seems like he would be in bed? Substantially better."

"Hot damn," Emily said, grinning. "So you didn't do anything stupid?"

The grin fell off Spencer's face.

"Uh-oh," JJ said.

"No, I didn't do anything stupid," Spencer said stiffly. "He has beyond no idea who I am."

"You're missing the point, Boy Genius, that's a good thing. How awkward would it be if he knew you seduced him?" Penelope asked, raising a blonde eyebrow.

"Awkward," Spencer agreed. "But- I don't know- it's complicated."

"Of course it is. You have feelings for him, not just attraction. Now the attraction is settled, but the feelings… are still unresolved," JJ said. She frowned and hugged him. "I'm sorry."

"The feelings are worse," Spencer grumbled. "As it turns out, he is sweeter to his one night stands than he has any right to be."

"Ouch," Emily said, wincing. "That sucks."

"It does. And it's going to make it extraordinarily hard to work with him," Spencer said.

"Hey, feel free to come hang out in my office anytime," JJ offered. "Whenever you need to hang out with someone you don't want to bend over the nearest desk."

"Thanks," Spencer said flatly, frowning at her wording but denying nothing.

"Yup. I'm going there now, you want to come?"

Spencer shook his head. "No, I have to go and break the no-profiling-profilers rule long enough to make sure Morgan doesn't want to shoot me."

"You had sex. Maybe finding out you're you would be a happy surprise," Penelope suggested hopefully.

"Garcia."

"What?"

"I'm me," Spencer pointed out flatly. "When it comes to interpersonal relationships, that's rarely a good thing."

"Oh, please, Morgan's always been the exception to that particular rule," Penelope scoffed.

"It's true," JJ replied.

"That man is all over you," Emily said, nodding. "I don't find it hard to believe that he'd be into you."

"You're the genius. How many times in the past month, not including your sexy interlude, has he run his hand through your hair?" Penelope asked.

"Nineteen…"

JJ jumped in. "How many times has he called you Pretty Boy?"

"Forty-seven."

"How many times has he purposefully put himself between you and danger?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Four that I know of," Spencer replied. "But those things could all be coming from him being my mentor… even-" Spencer wrinkled his nose, looking unsettled, "-even if he thinks of me as a brother."

"Honey. Remember that secret information I have on my Chocolate Thunder?" Penelope asked, raising an eyebrow. "The brother thing is not happening."

Spencer sighed. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up. But I'm a profiler. I know it'll never happen. I have paperwork… Bye, guys." He left Penelope's den.

"I'm a profiler, too!" Emily called after him, but it was too late. Spencer had left.

"Ladies, our boys are being idiots," JJ announced sadly.

"Yeah, clearly. I'll go monitor them," Emily sighed.

/

"Hey, Morgan," Emily greeted, sliding into her desk. "How was your weekend?"

"All right," Derek grunted. _Fantastic, followed by terribly obsessive._

"Were you at the masquerade ball?"

Derek sighed. "Yup."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "What's with the sigh?"

Derek shook his head. "I became a notch on someone else's bedpost."

Emily laughed. "And how many notches do you have on your bedpost?"

"This one was different. Well, it should have been different," Derek sighed. He shook his head. "Never mind. Were you there?"

"I was," Emily said, smiling. "Blonde, red leather catsuit."

"Nice." His heart wasn't in the compliment.

"It was," Emily agreed. "Agent Dreen rather agreed."

Derek looked up. "Agent Dreen? Agent Julienne Dreen?"

"That's the one."

"She's a woman," Derek pointed out.

Emily laughed. "Uh, yeah, I did observe that. I dunno, I had a college flashback. Don't judge."

Derek put his hands up. "Wasn't judging, honey."

"Don't call me honey."

"Sorry."

Emily shrugged. "So, look at us. Having casual sex with our hot female coworkers…" To Derek's credit, he held his composure well. Emily never would have spotted a reaction if she wasn't looking for it- but she was. "Oh. Or not…"

"Prentiss…"

"Don't worry," Emily said, winking. "I won't tell a soul… So, you tapped some cute FBI guy?"

"Prentiss!"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Admit it, deny it, or refuse to tell me anything. Don't just keep repeating my name."

"I… okay, yes, fine, but you can't tell anyone!" Derek insisted.

"Agreed," Emily said. "How was it?"

"Prentiss," Derek groaned.

"You're repeating my name again."

"I don't want to talk about it," Derek muttered, pulling out his iPod to confirm it. Emily shrugged, smiling enigmatically.

/

Spencer walked into the bullpen with a fresh cup of sugar-coffee. He checked it carefully- Derek was there, but seemed absorbed in paperwork and his iPod. Spencer sighed, entering. This was the best he could hope for.

He sat at his desk, reaching for the pile of paperwork. He chuckled, noting that the top file was a gift from Emily.

"Are you ever going to stop slipping me your folders?" Spencer asked aloud before he thought about it.

Emily grinned sheepishly. "I would never do such a thing."

"Yeah, yeah," Spencer grumbled.

Derek smiled as his eyes drifted to the familiar location of just above Spencer's desk, watching his hands move.

Derek blinked as a mental image popped into his mind of very similar hands running up and down his chest.

He shook his head, looking back down at the paperwork. After several seconds, his eyes slid shut involuntarily as he pictured the man from two nights ago. The same moments ran through his head as he'd been picturing the entire weekend, but now…

_The man grinned. _

_The mouth, the hands, the cheekbones-_

_Familiar. _

_The sound of his laugh._

_The long, silky feel of the hair. _

_The scent of coffee and old books. _

_The nervousness in his hands, followed by calm confidence…_

Derek wondered how many times he'd stared at Spencer's hands when he was supposed to be doing paperwork. How many times his gaze had drifted to Spencer's mouth when the man was talking.

Then, suddenly, one more image.

_A pale, thin man, wearing one blue sock, holding up a black one in victory after fishing it out from under the bed. _

Derek sat up suddenly, the sudden motion popping out his earbuds. "Gotta go see Garcia," he muttered to no one in particular, dashing out of his desk.

He moved quickly but clumsily into the lair. "Mismatched socks!" he cried aloud, slamming the door.

Penelope turned in her chair. "Excuse me?"

Derek pulled up another chair, burying his face in his hands. "I slept with someone at the masquerade ball, and I think it may have been Reid."

Penelope raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Uh, okay. Let me think about this for a moment." After a long pause, she said, "Well, I guess the first relevant question is, did the person you slept with have boy parts?"

Derek lifted his head and glared at her. "Yeah. And I'm telling you this because you're the most sexually open-minded person I know. Okay?"

Penelope smiled. "I do what I can. So, what makes you think it's the resident genius? Did he blurt the population of Sierra Leone upon orgasm?"

"No," Derek said, frowning. "No, he was smooth. Confident. Nervous, though, under that, but confident."

"So… What, exactly, makes you think you tapped Boy Wonder?"

Derek shrugged, ignoring her phrasing. "Little things. Same hands, same laugh, same mouth-"

"Had a lot of interaction with his mouth, did you?" Penelope asked, smirking.

Derek ignored her. "And he was wearing mismatched socks."

Penelope repressed her scowl. _Mismatched socks? How did we miss that?_ "Mismatched socks, and some similar features?"

"Identical features. And it explains a lot of what he said, a lot of emotions I picked up from him that seemed more complicated than they should have been."

Penelope nodded slowly. "Well, there are really two options here. One, suppose it wasn't Reid. Some genie from the sky has told you so. Where would you go from here?"

"Probably keep obsessing about the encounter. Run every male employee of the FBI against what I know of him. If I find him, fantastic, if not, I guess I'd get over it eventually."

"And if a genie from the sky told you that it _was_ Reid?"

"I'd…" Derek sighed and shut his eyes. "Nothing I say leaves this room?"

"As if you needed to ask. Confidentiality, as always."

Derek nodded and took a deep breath. "I… I watch him. I didn't realize it until, y'know, a few minutes ago, but I watch him. I- I don't know. It's Reid. Reid, for God's sake! But… I notice more than I should. That's why the man I slept with seemed so familiar."

"Okay. You dig Reid," Penelope said. "Genie from the sky. Do you ask him out? If you knew for a fact that you slept with him, what would you do next?"

"Honest? Probably corner him in the break room, kiss him, and wing it from there," Derek admitted.

"I love you, but you cannot seriously be considering entering an honest-to-god legitimate fling with your coworker without knowing what you want from it," Penelope said. "You cannot turn Reid into your cheap fuck. If you're going to go for it, you have to actually be as invested as you know he's gonna be!" She paused. "Theoretically."

"Mama, I… I'm invested, all right?" Derek grimaced at the admission, but it was true, and he trusted his 'God-given solace' with the vulnerability he was showing.

"Good. Well, Derek Morgan, today is your lucky day," Penelope said, smiling smugly and turning toward her computer. "I am your genie from the sky." She began typing and quickly pulled up what appeared to be a photo gallery. The first picture was blown up on the right side of the screen. It showed a woman with long, white-blonde hair and a red leather catsuit.

"That's what Prentiss said she wore," Derek said, his brow furrowing.

"That's because that's Prentiss," Penelope replied, double-clicking another picture.

Derek's jaw dropped. It was the man he'd slept with, lounging on what was quite clearly JJ's living room couch.

"Is this your mystery man?"

"I- wh- Is that JJ's house?"

"It is," Penelope replied, smiling wickedly, clicking on another picture of three women and the man, all smiling into the camera. Penelope moved the mouse to a heavyset brunette on the side. "That would be me. Genie from the sky says, you _totally_ did Reid."

Derek's mouth kept moving, but nothing was coming out.

"Honey, you're not saying anything."

"I… wh…"

"Use your words!"

"Oh, holy fuck," Derek breathed finally. Then, with a sudden dose of panic, "Shit!"

Penelope fired off a quick text under her desk, took a deep breath, and began soothing the man in front of her.


	4. Chapter 4: Intention

Chapter 4: Intention

"Dammit, Reid," Emily said, checking her phone.

"What?"

"You wore mismatching socks? Really?"

He shrugged. "Matching socks are bad luck, and I really wanted it to go well- wait, how do you even know that?"

"Morgan is in Garcia's office right now. He knows," Emily told him.

Spencer's eyes widened. "Oh, no."

Emily shrugged. "Apparently, he was totally into it. So freaking out might be a bit premature."

"What do I do?" Spencer asked anxiously.

"Nothing," she replied firmly. "You made the first move- hell, you made the first several moves. The ball is in his court. You sit there and try to look as doable as you know how. It's his turn to seduce you."

Spencer considered this before deciding that she was probably right. Derek was well aware of Spencer's feelings for him. The door was open. Now Derek just had to go through it.

/

"Pen, we're coworkers!"

"Yeah, so are Kevin and I, and I do terribly dirty things to him on a regular basis."

Derek was pacing frantically, while Penelope watched him with a detached amusement.

"Oh, god. Oh, god, I slept with Reid."

"Yes, you did."

"Oh, god. Oh… oh, god."

Penelope raised an eyebrow. "Honey, do you have anything constructive to say or not?"

"Baby girl, it's Reid! Reid, with the statistics and the babbling and the sweater-vests… oh, god, the sweater vests! And we had sex!"

"So you did," Penelope said, raising an eyebrow. "What's with the panic? It's Reid, who you've called 'Pretty Boy' for years now. Reid, who you'd quite happily die to protect. Reid, who you just admitted to 'watching.' Reid, who totally turned you on. You just nailed the boy of your dreams and thought you'd never find him again, but as it turns out, he was right there the whole time. So tell me, Derek Morgan, what the hell is the fucking problem?"

Derek paused, and stared at her. "Wha?"

Penelope sighed. "Clearly you are not caught up. Honey, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you kind of belong with him."

Derek didn't reply, but he didn't give the spluttering denial that Penelope expected.

"Ooh, you're not so in the dark as you seem! Okay, so you're hot on the genius, the genius is hot on you… I return to my original query, what's the problem here?"

"I…" Derek started, then paused.  
"Well, we do work together."

"Hot stuff, Hotch is the only one on this team who actually follows those rules. You know that, right?"

Derek nodded absently, his mind furiously working through this. "Baby girl, could this actually work?"

"It can, it should, and it will if you grow a pair and get moving," Penelope said, playfully poking Derek in the shoulder. "Come on, I thought you said you were gonna go strong-arm him into the break room and do dirty, dirty things?"

"That is not what I said."

"Which is unfortunate, but nonetheless. What's holding you up?"

"I don't know," Derek said, then sighed, running a hand over his scalp. "I'm… ah, Christ, I'm scared, okay?"

"Yeah? Well Reid sexually harassed you in front of thousands of coworkers with nothing but a three-dollar mask to fall back on, so suck it up."

/

"He's coming! Quick! Be sexy!" Emily hissed at Spencer, looking over her shoulder at the approaching Morgan. When she looked back at Spencer, he was looking at his file and wrapping his tongue around a lollipop in a way that managed to look absentminded. She raised an eyebrow and glanced back at Derek, who was staring at Spencer's mouth with a look of astounded stupefaction.

Emily grinned. Apparently, Spencer knew more than she had given him credit for.

Derek stared at Spencer, unable to make his feet keep moving.

_What the… that isn't how lollipops are consumed. He has got to be doing that on purpose… He has got to be…_ Derek's mental thought trailed off as he stared at Spencer.

Spencer looked up from the file and smiled at Derek before slowly licking the lollipop and looking back down.

Emily quietly began videotaping them on her tablet.

Finally Derek forced his feet forward. He was leaning on Spencer's desk before the man looked up again.

"Hi, Morgan," Spencer said, smiling and licking the lollipop slowly.

"I… Coffee?" Derek forced out, immediately cursing himself for the stupidity.

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "Beverage brewed from the roasted seeds of the Coffea plant?"

"I'm going to grab some. Come with me," Derek said, relieved that the words actually came out this time.

Spencer appeared to consider this for a long moment, still doing naughty things to his lollipop with his tongue. "Okay, sure," he agreed.

There was no question as to whether they would go to the break room or across the street to the local coffee shop. The break room coffee was crap. The two men walked wordlessly to the elevator. Derek kept throwing glances at Spencer, who seemed nervous, but was holding it in well. Spencer just stared ahead, trying his best to act natural. The elevator doors opened and they stepped inside.

After about seven seconds of thick silence, Derek blurted, "Did we have sex?"

Spencer stared straight ahead, his face neutral. "I don't think you'd be asking me if you didn't already know the answer."

Derek stared over at the other man, trying to read him. "Garcia told me."

"Yeah, I probably should have sworn her to secrecy," Spencer muttered under his breath. He bit his lip, still refusing to meet Derek's gaze. "Do you hate me?"

That honestly startled him. "What?"

"I wouldn't blame you for being angry," Spencer said simply.

"I'm not angry," Derek said honestly. It had never even occurred to him to be upset at Spencer for the disguise. "A little annoyed at myself for not seeing it, but I'm not mad at you."

"The girls disguised me well," Spencer said with a shrug. "I didn't look anything like me."

"That's not true," Derek said suddenly. When Spencer didn't move, he continued. "I mean, your hair and eyes were different but the rest of you looked like you."

This was finally able to make Spencer turn his head toward Derek's, although his gaze was still aimed at the elevator door. "How much have you been examining the rest of me?"

"Apparently, a lot more than I thought," Derek said, running a hand over his scalp. "Look, man, I'm not… I'm not great at the introspection thing. I didn't notice."

Spencer frowned slightly in confusion. "What didn't you notice?"

Derek sighed, resisting just saying what was on his mind. The elevator doors opened. Derek stepped out. "Let's discuss it over coffee, all right?"

Spencer, still resisting eye contact, nodded. With one last lick on his lollipop he tossed it in a nearby trashcan.

More thick silence hung between the pair as they crossed the street and purchased coffees. They sat down at an isolated table in the corner while the barista made their drinks.

"Where do we go from here?" Derek finally asked , his tone low.

"I don't know if I can go back to just being friends," Spencer said, his eyes affixed firmly on the table. "I'm sorry." Spencer bit his lip.

Derek, instantly picturing those lips on his shoulder, grunted and shrugged. "You and me both, kid."

Spencer grimaced. "I ruined everything, didn't I?"

Derek shrugged again. "You changed everything. And everything was bound to change at some point."

Spencer sighed. "I guess it was… Now what?"

"Now we do… this," Derek said slowly.

Spencer frowned. "Act stilted and awkward?"

Derek grinned. "No. You wanna get dinner with me tonight?"

Spencer bit his lip. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do."


	5. Epilogue: Conclusion

Epilogue: Conclusion

"Tell. Us. Everything," Garcia demanded after the three BAU ladies dragged Spencer back into Garcia's lair about three weeks later.

Spencer blushed. "Uh. I'm pretty sure we're officially together now."

JJ grinned and hugged him around the shoulders. "Congratulations, Spence."

"Thank you. I have a question, though. Apparently even Derek hadn't figured out he was attracted to me. So what was Garcia's super-secret information?"

Garcia grinned guiltily. "Uhh… That _may_ have been a lure."

"There was no information," Spencer said flatly. "You pretended there was to trick me into thinking I had a chance."

"Clearly, you did have a chance," JJ pointed out.

"I was pretty sure he was into you," Emily said. "The whole anthrax thing? Yeah, that was a tip-off. I got tired of watching you two not quite fall in love, so I recruited them to help me get it done."

"Morgan was far too oblivious toward the whole situation to be of any use to us, but JJ pointed out that you'd never go for it based on Emily's anthrax observations," Garcia said, shrugging. "So, my assigned duty was to claim information I couldn't share, and to imply that the information was that he was digging you."

Spencer was glaring at them. "You had better be very thankful that your nefarious plot worked out or I would be very upset."

"Please. If this nefarious plot had fallen short, I would have thought of another to take its place," Garcia said, waving a hand.

"She is the queen of nefarious plots," JJ pointed out. "But I'd say that this one went spectacularly, wouldn't you agree?"

Spencer couldn't prevent the smile from blooming on his face. "Yes, I suppose the outcome was beneficial."

"Yeah, beneficial. That's the word. So, Hotch is cool with you guys?" Emily asked.

"He was a bit frustrated because he'd bet Rossi that wouldn't get together by the end of the year," Spencer said, shrugging. "But I think he's happy for us. Even Strauss is willing to play dumb about the whole thing."

"Oh, good. Glad to hear it," JJ replied cheerily. "So… you forgive us for our deception?"

Spencer shrugged. "All's well that ends well… and this definitely ended well."

/

Fin, because I couldn't figure out how else to finish it.


End file.
